Writer's Block: Beyond Our Ken
The Economy problem in my senior year graduation test: the most frightful and inexplicable thing I ever saw.
Monday, December 29, 2008
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Parotid Gland And Alcohol
I wonder
Where am I going?
I just saw this movie with Natalie Portman about a magic toy shop and I realized that, just like the main character, I need a cube made out of wood.
This last period of my life has been intense, psychologically speaking.
I'm kinda modifying the way my thoughts translate into actions; or better, I'm working on my motives for doing things.
It's like my life develops on a day to day basis and responds to simple needs, such as a very transitional fulfillment of the over present need of being "Ok".
But while I may experience some temporary joy from a direct approach to tiny entertainments (the prospect of watching a nice episode of a series, a book, a song, a walk, an occasional drawing...) I still don't feel happy.
The reason is because I'm searching happiness in a wrong place, or that I'm looking for it in the first place.
I have limits that I can't really see, but that I feel the need to overcome.
It's to do... the thing.
What's the thing you say? The hell I know.
I just feel that there's.
There is this thing, the thing I want so desperately do, a thing I crave for but I'm not ready to reach.
I'm not even on the way of pursuing it.
Freedom, I tasted it; what do I do with it?
Enjoy living, do I?
No, I just sit quietly, watching inner expectations go awry by themselves.
What's my natural inclination?
I mock things, I draw things, I write things, I picture things in hypothetical situations, I picture hypothetical lives, roads, choices adding elements I take randomly from a pool of... I don't take them randomly, I apply a pattern that I've already seen somewhere.
Is my fantasizing affecting my way of seeing reality?
I'm not using my imagination per se, I'm dreaming things.
I use memories to make up things.
But why? Is that all?
Is there an answer for this anyway?
Where am I going?
I just saw this movie with Natalie Portman about a magic toy shop and I realized that, just like the main character, I need a cube made out of wood.
This last period of my life has been intense, psychologically speaking.
I'm kinda modifying the way my thoughts translate into actions; or better, I'm working on my motives for doing things.
It's like my life develops on a day to day basis and responds to simple needs, such as a very transitional fulfillment of the over present need of being "Ok".
But while I may experience some temporary joy from a direct approach to tiny entertainments (the prospect of watching a nice episode of a series, a book, a song, a walk, an occasional drawing...) I still don't feel happy.
The reason is because I'm searching happiness in a wrong place, or that I'm looking for it in the first place.
I have limits that I can't really see, but that I feel the need to overcome.
It's to do... the thing.
What's the thing you say? The hell I know.
I just feel that there's.
There is this thing, the thing I want so desperately do, a thing I crave for but I'm not ready to reach.
I'm not even on the way of pursuing it.
Freedom, I tasted it; what do I do with it?
Enjoy living, do I?
No, I just sit quietly, watching inner expectations go awry by themselves.
What's my natural inclination?
I mock things, I draw things, I write things, I picture things in hypothetical situations, I picture hypothetical lives, roads, choices adding elements I take randomly from a pool of... I don't take them randomly, I apply a pattern that I've already seen somewhere.
Is my fantasizing affecting my way of seeing reality?
I'm not using my imagination per se, I'm dreaming things.
I use memories to make up things.
But why? Is that all?
Is there an answer for this anyway?
Thursday, September 18, 2008
How To Word A Money Tree Invitation
September
Oh my god, it has been so long since I wrote on my LJ!
Well it has been so long since I wrote anything personal at all!
It's just that I feel like writing something because i think that talking to none here, would help to make a point in my life!
It's already september and I'm gonna start my second year at the university ...I mean SECOND YEAR!??
how did it happen? last time I checked I was over with highschool and ready to leave for Paris, and that was...a whole year ago!
It just feels like yesterday to me...and here I am trying to regain my strenght to start again!
Last year was just too much to be described...it was certainly hard, sometime it was dark and sad, sometime glamourous and shining! I've met wonderful people and ...not so wonderful people, I had a great time, but also a lot of lonley nights, I absolutley love my indipendance, but I do miss my family...a lot!
To start a new life in another country was maybe too much for me at that time, but... what mean the most to me is that I've made it!
And even if sometimes I wondered if it was worth all the things I went throught, I changed for the best!
I really feel as If I am the same person, but also a better person, I feel like I can do almost anything now!
Well ...
-if you faced all those "nice and kind" women of french administration( of course I am ironical : French administration is EVIL!)
-If you spent a school year in a buiding which looks like a volcanic eruption (at least in the sick mind of the man who built it) and which is a bit different from your idea of the"SORBONNE",
-if you managed to find some french student who is friendly and who actually speaks to other people,
-if you survived the mess of finding an appartament, opening a bank account, dealing with two strange roomates and chasing awful mice who share the appartament whitout paying the rent
and if you actually passed an examen about ritual antropophagy of Tupinamba's tribes...well
... then you really feel as if you can do almost anything!
And then I learned a lot! And not only about greek art, contemporary art, medieval buildings and all that is Art related...that was great of course..
but Now I Can also:
- walk pretty fast whit high heels, even in the metro...well it's better if it's not 4am in a cold december night when you're very far from home whitout bus or metro!
-living a week with orange juice and brie on a baguette because I ran out of money...sales at H&M are really dangerous
-understand, more or less, french slang
-kill mice...or at least put glue on the floor and poisoned nuts in strategical places!
-recognize the parisian kind of guy...veeeeery dangerous!
-set up an ikea bed
-give the word STRESS a whole new meaning...expecially during examens week!
-pass an examen at 8am in the morning and another one, the same day at 9pm and, oh...of course it's saturday!
-say with a nonchalant voice and a slight wave of the hand"oh...I went to that art exibith yestarday...it wasn't bad, just a bit easy in its conception, in my opinion, but still...not as bad as..."
Don't ask what that means, but if you say so with a cigarette in your mouth it really strikes! Too bad I don't
smoke...
And of course I dress a lot better!!!!!!! god how could I live my whole life in converse and jeans? now, that is still okay if I go à la fac, but otherwise I found way more intersting things to try!!
But now...I don't know, I want to came back, but also I feel like it's sunday evening... and I have to go to school in the morning...
I know it will be fun, and really there's nothing to do and to learn in my depressing city...it's just that i'll miss my family, and my friends, and this summer was so fun, and so easy!!
No problems at all, just my friends, some good music concert, some depressing night at the same old places...it was fine! and you can go everywhere in less than 20minutes in your friend'car!!!
And now another long/short year waits for me...
whit lessons at 8 o clock in the morning when outside you can see the moon and the stars, sad raining season in Paris, stupid homework which has to be made in a stupid french way, cold cold winter, 30 minutes in metro everytime I have to go to school and so on...
Well I know I'll also enjoy a lot of croissants, nights out, free access to museum, a lot of exhibitions, new people to meet, new things to explore, new adventures to be made, and of course, as usual, the new man of my life which I know is still out there waiting for me!
But I needed to write something to think about this year! So now I can take a deep breath and start again...
difficutl well of course the next step will be the making of my baggage!!
that's so fun! How can I put everything in a luggage, a small travel bag and my pc's bag? Well I'll found a solution!
That's all for the moment
and thanks for reading! Gros bisous
SARA
Oh my god, it has been so long since I wrote on my LJ!
Well it has been so long since I wrote anything personal at all!
It's just that I feel like writing something because i think that talking to none here, would help to make a point in my life!
It's already september and I'm gonna start my second year at the university ...I mean SECOND YEAR!??
how did it happen? last time I checked I was over with highschool and ready to leave for Paris, and that was...a whole year ago!
It just feels like yesterday to me...and here I am trying to regain my strenght to start again!
Last year was just too much to be described...it was certainly hard, sometime it was dark and sad, sometime glamourous and shining! I've met wonderful people and ...not so wonderful people, I had a great time, but also a lot of lonley nights, I absolutley love my indipendance, but I do miss my family...a lot!
To start a new life in another country was maybe too much for me at that time, but... what mean the most to me is that I've made it!
And even if sometimes I wondered if it was worth all the things I went throught, I changed for the best!
I really feel as If I am the same person, but also a better person, I feel like I can do almost anything now!
Well ...
-if you faced all those "nice and kind" women of french administration( of course I am ironical : French administration is EVIL!)
-If you spent a school year in a buiding which looks like a volcanic eruption (at least in the sick mind of the man who built it) and which is a bit different from your idea of the"SORBONNE",
-if you managed to find some french student who is friendly and who actually speaks to other people,
-if you survived the mess of finding an appartament, opening a bank account, dealing with two strange roomates and chasing awful mice who share the appartament whitout paying the rent
and if you actually passed an examen about ritual antropophagy of Tupinamba's tribes...well
... then you really feel as if you can do almost anything!
And then I learned a lot! And not only about greek art, contemporary art, medieval buildings and all that is Art related...that was great of course..
but Now I Can also:
- walk pretty fast whit high heels, even in the metro...well it's better if it's not 4am in a cold december night when you're very far from home whitout bus or metro!
-living a week with orange juice and brie on a baguette because I ran out of money...sales at H&M are really dangerous
-understand, more or less, french slang
-kill mice...or at least put glue on the floor and poisoned nuts in strategical places!
-recognize the parisian kind of guy...veeeeery dangerous!
-set up an ikea bed
-give the word STRESS a whole new meaning...expecially during examens week!
-pass an examen at 8am in the morning and another one, the same day at 9pm and, oh...of course it's saturday!
-say with a nonchalant voice and a slight wave of the hand"oh...I went to that art exibith yestarday...it wasn't bad, just a bit easy in its conception, in my opinion, but still...not as bad as..."
Don't ask what that means, but if you say so with a cigarette in your mouth it really strikes! Too bad I don't
smoke...
And of course I dress a lot better!!!!!!! god how could I live my whole life in converse and jeans? now, that is still okay if I go à la fac, but otherwise I found way more intersting things to try!!
But now...I don't know, I want to came back, but also I feel like it's sunday evening... and I have to go to school in the morning...
I know it will be fun, and really there's nothing to do and to learn in my depressing city...it's just that i'll miss my family, and my friends, and this summer was so fun, and so easy!!
No problems at all, just my friends, some good music concert, some depressing night at the same old places...it was fine! and you can go everywhere in less than 20minutes in your friend'car!!!
And now another long/short year waits for me...
whit lessons at 8 o clock in the morning when outside you can see the moon and the stars, sad raining season in Paris, stupid homework which has to be made in a stupid french way, cold cold winter, 30 minutes in metro everytime I have to go to school and so on...
Well I know I'll also enjoy a lot of croissants, nights out, free access to museum, a lot of exhibitions, new people to meet, new things to explore, new adventures to be made, and of course, as usual, the new man of my life which I know is still out there waiting for me!
But I needed to write something to think about this year! So now I can take a deep breath and start again...
difficutl well of course the next step will be the making of my baggage!!
that's so fun! How can I put everything in a luggage, a small travel bag and my pc's bag? Well I'll found a solution!
That's all for the moment
and thanks for reading! Gros bisous
SARA
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